Gallopin' Gossiper of The Ghetto
Here's Willona Woods, with some Out-a-Sight Goods!
Willona Woods lives across the hall from the Evans family. She is a close friend, and visits often -- every episode as a matter of fact. Florida has known her for many years. They went to high school together.
J.J's First Rattle
Willona: J.J? Did you know that I got you your very first rattle? Thelma: Oh no you didn't Willona! J.J's first rattle was the one in his head! J.J: Well at least I was born! Ma and Pa found you on a door-step with a note sayin' "You take her! She's too ugly for us -- Signed, Dr. and Mrs. Frankenstein".
Willona enters: Have y'all seen my new outfit I got at the boutique today?
Mammoth Mini Farah
Willona enters:What a day I had! Every bargain hunter on the south side of Chicago came out today, Including Mammoth Mini Farah! I spent my whole lunch hour and two coffee breaks tryin' to push that 300 lbs. of flab into a size 12 hip-huggers! Can you imagine? Hip-huggers on that hippo?
James' Cool New Job
Willona: Oh Flo, you gotta be proud. There aint many guys as old as James that could turn around and start over. Goin' to school at his age? Florida: Wait a minute, you are exactly the same age as he is! Michael: I never knew that! Willona, you mean you're f... Willona: Fortunate! Fortunate enough to be as young as your father honey! I'm still in the Pepsi Generation, and I intend to keep those flip tops poppin' til the day I die!
James Sr: Good bye 79 cent Muscatel, and hello $1.50 Champagne! Florida: Champagne? Honey can we afford that? Willona: Well it's cheaper than gasoline! Everytime I go out with a dude now -- insteada' usin' perfume, I put a drop of High-Test behind each ear!
Thelma: Hey everybody! I got a scholarship to a private boarding school in Michigan! The Alliston School For Girls, and it happens to be among the highest rated schools in the state! Michael: Sounds like a Snob-School to me. J.J: Sounds like a home for un-wed mothers to me! Thelma: Well, all I know is they're offering scholorships to needy Blacks. Michael: You mean Token-Blacks. James Sr: "Oh cool it militant midget!" Willona enters the room. Florida: Thelma just won a scholarship to the Alliston School For Girls! Willona: Oh honey, congratulations! Now... what are you gonna wear? Florida: She's got a lot of nice clothes, and I'm gonna make her some too. Willona: Oh Flo! I don't think home-made dresses gonna get it! That school is very foxy. So Willona's gonna make sure she is the foxiest of the foxes! They got some stuff down at my boutique honey, that just screams R-I-C-H rich! James Sr: I got a wallet that screams P-O- poor! Florida: But listen you-all, what counts is what she learns, not what she wears. Thelma: I wanna become a doctor, but I don't know if I'm gonna make it! Willona: Honey, it don't even matter, cause the way I'm gonna dress you, if you can't become a Doctor, you sure can catch one! Florida? You know what I got down at the boutique? Florida: What? Willona: A aqua suit, with matching jacket, long flowing flip skirt, gold ear rings, lots of chains around her neck, honey I can see her now! Florida: She's gonna look great carrying a cardboard suitcase. James Sr: Don't worry about that baby! We gonna get her matching luggage. J.J: Yeah! Two A&P shopping bags! we got that! Willona: Well, you come on down to the boutique, and I will dress you up so fine, you'll make Cher look like Sonny, honey!
Willona: Well, I took one of my friends to the welfare office today, and there was this chick sittin' behind the desk with nasal congestion. She said "Madam aren't you aware that we have given you a 10 percent increase in your welfare benifets?" And my friend said "Don't do me much good when the cost of livin's gone up 20 percent" Then the chick said "Well Madam, if you feel you've been mis-treated, mail a letter of complaint to the Governer's office." Well, The Govenment already figured out a way to stop those complainin' letters! They raisin' the price of stamps so high, you can't afford to mail it!
Ford / Carter
Willona: Did you see the debate between Ford and Carter last night? They both came on the air with dyed hair, caps on their teeth, a whole lot of TV make-up on, and they got the nerve to say "trust me."
James and Florida are kissing. Willona barges in. Willona: You two hug and kiss so much, nobody would ever guess you're married. James: you know somethin' Willona? Timing aint one of your strong points. Willona: How you gonna say that? I've caught you every time haven't I?
Loretta's In Labor
Willona: Florida! We need to call a cab! J.J: I already tried that. They aint comin' in to this neighborhood without combat pay! Later, Willona says: Florida? I helped deliver a baby, didn't I? Florida: Yes you did. And I couldn't have done it without you. Willona: How long was I out? Florida: About two minutes.
Willona: I just came back from Borgen's Market, and girl, is that place a rip off! This is what you get with a weeks pay check... One days worth of groceries. And look at this can of corn! 19 cents crossed out and 23 cents stamped on. 23 cents crossed out and 26 cents stamped on. 26 cents crossed out with a note - continued on other side of can!